Saturday, April 28, 2012


I haven't written much about content in the last few weeks, but there are so many things I could share with y'all and what I want to remember most is the things that they say and do, and the relationships that we build.  Since I've established that this is really more my journal than an advice column, at least at this point, I'm not feeling too guilty.

One of my most rambunctious, social, brightest, really amusing, but biggest classroom disrupting students told me probably a month ago that I looked like a vampire because I was so pale.  This is evidence that I really do need to get more spray tans, right there.  He then started calling me Victoria, or Ms. Victoria, which I didn't tolerate particularly well and tended to shoot him my infamous teacher glare until I looked at pictures and thought to myself that I could see it.  Also, at about this point, the Victoria references were starting to spread throughout the 7th grade.  I have been patting myself on the back daily for not mocking all the middle school boys for having so much knowledge about Twilight, which is most definitely a girl series of books and movies.  I've also been very thankful that one of my college roommates started me on the book series and dragged me to the first movie.  I enjoyed the books once I got past the whole "ridiculously impossible" thing and just embraced the fiction.  The movies have never been my favorite, but I have seen all three.  Thanks to my fabulous roomie and her terrible horrible, no good very bad day, we went to see the third movie and drank while we watched it.  This made her terrible horrible day so much better.  We had a blast!

Here is Victoria with straight and curly hair, and here is me with straight and curly hair.  Not the same face, but I guess I could see it.

I'm using it to my advantage, though.  I shoot vampire glares, talk about my super-human strength and speed, etc.  Particularly when they're pushing their limits, I throw the vampire card, and so far, it puts them right back on track.  I love those little goobers.

Thursday, April 26, 2012


I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.  I just figured I'd start with some science humor in the arena of this post's topic. :)  I'm really struggling with innuendo this week.  Or this month, or every time I speak in a room full of middle schoolers, even the girls.  Their hormones are definitely raging! I can't seem to go an entire class without needing to go ahead and just shove my foot in my mouth to stop the series of innuendos and double entendres as I hurriedly attempt to fix whatever comment I said that has them giggling.

Fact : Middle schoolers are perverted.

Fact : Middle school teachers, almost by necessity, have to be able to keep their minds in the gutter and think like a 14 year old boy.

Fact : I think I'm generally pretty good at this , but the kids, particularly the 8th grade boys I teach , catch me saying "dirty" things all the time.

Obviously, the middle school boys take the perversion cake.  In fact, I'm relatively certain that my last period class made the boy version of a pregnancy pact -- a plan in which they tortured me with every sexual innuendo and ridiculously inappropriate comment and/ or sexual behavior they think they can get away with.

On the plus side, urban dictionary is teaching me some new vocabulary words.  I'm blushing beet red less frequently when I hear things like, "Ms. G, I'm about to pull a big *insert male anatomy word of your choice* out right now" and also getting better about not screaming in disgust, and just removing the student from my classroom and sending them on to the police officer or AP, whoever's closest.

Today, I asked one of my students if he wanted to "go out" by which I meant, "are you TRYING to get kicked out of class and earn yourself a nice little referral right before you have to go to court????"  He took it and ran with it, and I'm pretty sure he was the only one in the class that made this bridge in his head because the rest of us seemed to take a few seconds to catch up.  He proceeded to ask me if I was really going to ask him out in front of the class, etc. so gross!!!! 

Random side note: pictures of middle school shenanigans

 Remember when I said they've broken a lot of stress balls? Yeah, that's one of them.....apparently it makes a good clown nose when they're testing.  I was walking the rows and literally LOL'ed when he pulled that maneuver. :)
Teaching the class.  It's always so funny to see some of my behaviors and hear my voice inflections with the things I do and say routinely.  And, I really really really really really love when they do a good job with things like this.  It makes me so proud!

Monday, April 23, 2012

How we Survive

I know I've mentioned that 2012 hasn't exactly been a casual stroll in the park for me.  There are still (and I'm sure there always will be) things in my life that aren't as perfect as a Type-A personality like me could hope.  This past couple weeks, I've been shaken to my core.  As I continue my "adult" journey, I get the pleasure?? of experiencing new challenges (and triumphs!)  As I was lying in my bed wondering how to get through it, and as I've reflected on the difficulties that each day brings, I thought about the miracle that we are able to survive when God reminds us exactly who's in control.  No offense to any of you men out there, but we women are some exceptionally strong people.

We can survive.  So what do we do?  We cry when we're alone, and sometimes when we're not.  We avert our eyes when there are painful things in our line of vision.  We quickly change the channel on the TV or the radio when something threatens to knock us off-balance again.  We walk away when someone has a conversation we can't handle at that moment.  We force life to go on.  We look at the great outdoors and know that the world continues to turn.  We avoid the pitying expressions.  We pray.  We scream.  We change the subject.  We try our hardest to pretend everything is normal even though it's horribly abnormal. We throw ourselves into something- work, school, exercise, all of the above.  We bathe and try to sleep regularly.  We try to restore routine and maintain focus so that grief doesn't swallow us whole.  We know that some moments, hours, and days are okay, and the next might be the complete opposite.  We downplay the effects to reduce pity.  One of our most important survival tricks as a woman is to put on obscene amounts of non-waterproof mascara and remind ourselves that if we cry, the makeup will run.  We crave time alone.  We crave time with cherished friends and family.  We play the avoiding game.  I've had the opportunity to do all of these things, and probably many more.  Most importantly, the mascara.  Lots and lots and lots of mascara.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I need an ambulance!

I have my kids pretty well trained in manners.  They know by now that I'm to be called ma'am.  They know that if they want water at lunch, they need to say, "May I get some water?" or "May I please get some water?"  They know that if they don't say may I , they won't be getting permission to get up and get water.  When they're having a bad day, they ask nicely and politely for a stress ball, and occasionally they tell me they need one.  I don't dispute those days-- they usually do if they're not going to punch something or someone else and cause some damage.  Stress balls, however, are expensive.  Unless of course you go to a lot of career fairs or such events.  I've gone through many this year, what with the kids stressing the balls to breaking and stealing them.  Recently, I got a FABULOUS present! A fleet of stress ambulances.  Right now, the kids' new thing is to tell me they need an ambulance.  And yes , many of my 6th, 7th, and 8th graders have been caught playing with their ambulances like matchbox cars and making vroom vroom sounds while driving them around their desks or the floor.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Dear Mountain of Research ,

I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you these past few weeks.  However, I can't quite seem to come up with the inspiration and motivation to creatively and concisely sum you into a few thousand words relevant to my own research.  I would really appreciate if you would allow me to make significant progress in this area today.  You see, research, this is my last day available of Spring Break and I have an awful lot of work due by Tuesday at lunchtime.  Tomorrow, I'll be spending the day doing bridal things with one of my lovely friends and Saturday will be consumed with her wedding.  Sunday is Easter with the family, and Monday morning, I'll be hitting the interstate bright and early to make it for  a teacher work day and some quality time schooling my homebound students.  Now that you know this, I'm sure you understand and will graciously lift this writer's block and allow the creative juices and words to flow through my fingers.

Much Appreciated,

Ms. G

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


Many of the bloggers I follow have been evaluating their blogging, why they blog, what their inspiration is, etc.  I'm not in the market to stop blogging-- it's my virtual diary.  I love having this outlet.  I don't feel pressured to write, and I enjoy writing. 

Instead, what I've been thinking about is what inspires me to blog. What is it that makes me want to write a post?  I've come to the idea that it's generally something silly, inventive, unusual, or frustrating in the classroom.  As far as blogging about my personal life, I think it generally has to be something I'm really excited about, like a new puppy, or a really fun teachers' night out, or something like that.  Speaking of, I'm dying to try one of those Sips 'n' Strokes type places.  We're going to have a girls' night out, this month.  I'm determined.  I may have to hi-jack my girls, though. :)